In college, I recall a girl who was constantly trying to stand out. She always had this know-it-all attitude, drove a fancy car (so obviously her parents could afford it), and dressed in the newest styles. She seemed to be striving to prove something all the time.
I would initially roll my eyes. I eventually understood how draining it must be to put forth so much effort. She constantly sought approval and had insecure energy.
It wasn’t just her, either. Numerous ladies have done the same thing, in my experience. They will minimize their common experiences, be critical of other women’s decisions, or even deliberately try to keep their distance from their peers.
They appear to be terrified of being viewed as equals.
In women’s circles, pick-me syndrome—a term used to characterize people who try to separate themselves from their perceived group in order to be viewed as superior or different—has grown in popularity. Despite its seeming innocuousness, the pick-me mindset harms all women by fostering negative preconceptions and impeding advancement.
Co-Chief Executive Officer of Sunstar Virtual Behavioral Solutions Marvy Beckman LICSW claims that a pick-me girl will try to change her appearance, speech, and/or demeanor to appeal to the people she wants to interact with. She spends her time with specific social circles or tries to make uncomfortable parts of her life better in order to satiate this drive.
Fundamentally, pick-me syndrome stems from a desire to escape being classified as stereotypical or typical.
Women who have this mentality frequently feel that they must distance themselves from other women, especially those who fit into stereotypes or traditional gender roles, in order to demonstrate their value. This can take many different forms, such as disparaging common experiences or critiquing the decisions made by other women.
The perpetuation of negative perceptions about women is one of the most detrimental effects of pick-me syndrome. Women who act in this way reinforce the notion that women are naturally competitive or polarizing by continuously attempting to demonstrate their uniqueness. This perpetuates negative perceptions that can restrict women’s chances and sustain gender inequity, in addition to undermining the idea of female unity.
A poisonous atmosphere that encourages rivalry and animosity can be produced when women feel the need to continuously outdo one another or isolate themselves from other women. Because women are less inclined to encourage and assist one another when they are continuously competing for attention or acceptance, this damages interpersonal relationships and impedes progress as a group.
This problem is greatly influenced by society. Consider relationships. Some women view dating as an opportunity to be selected, which is, for many, regarded as the pinnacle of social success, right up there with marriage and having kids. Some women cede authority and rely on a man’s approval to determine their value.
Not to mention the men that genuinely take pleasure in this conduct. Anyone who doesn’t like it is a bunch of hateful a** feminists, according to a guy I spoke to who didn’t mind it. He claimed that males also require affection and approval and accused feminists of harboring animosity for men. In my opinion, this is a really dishonest and pitiful justification. I knew he was going to lead me down a rabbit hole, so I didn’t waste time responding to his comment.
Women’s personal development might also be hampered by pick-me syndrome. Women may lose out on chances to develop, learn, and meet like-minded people if they are always trying to be different or better than others.
As women, we must do more to foster a feeling of community and inspire women to value their uniqueness without feeling the need to put space between them and other people.
