Greetings, Miss Manners My brother is well-educated, articulate, smart, and works in a responsible position. For religious reasons, of course, he is also overtly homophobic, sexist, and racist.
To his credit, he never brings up these topics, but when he does, he isn’t afraid to voice his prejudiced opinions. In response to criticism, he asserts that he has the same rights as liberals when it comes to his beliefs and that he has the same freedom to voice them. According to him, tolerance encompasses acceptance of all opinions, including his own.
Although I can’t really pinpoint the issue, I don’t think that sounds completely correct. Other than that, he is a pleasant and charming individual. The rest of the family now simply avoids these topics as a way to cope with it.
What should we do, in your opinion?
Stories by
Judith Martin
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GENTLE READER: Continue to steer clear of those topics.
Even though you are aware of the bear’s reaction, it is still tempting to prod it. Arguing is more likely to ruin family get-togethers than to change your brother, who is most likely an adult who is firmly rooted in his prejudices.
But Miss Manners can console you a little.
First of all, by ignoring him when he speaks in such a manner, you are already successfully communicating your message.
Second, you are correct that a wide range of well-intentioned viewpoints should be tolerated more than hate speech.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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