Greetings, Miss Manners Nelly, my wife’s high school best friend, is now a very prosperous businesswoman. She always invites us to the local performing arts society’s fall fundraiser, which helps local theater organizations by raising money. For this occasion, she will purchase an eight-person table and extend an invitation to us to join her.
The event includes a supper and a short performance by one of the theater companies the organization supports, as well as silent and live auctions and other ways to donate money.
People with the highest social status in our neighborhood and matching incomes make up the majority of participants. I think it’s absurd how much people spend at the silent and live auctions. For instance, a winery tour and tasting where you select two bottles of wine costs $1,500. a movie night basket that sells for $200 and likely contains $25 worth of goods, etc.
I don’t mind if folks can afford to spend this way because it’s for a worthy cause. However, my spouse and I lack the financial means to even place a bid on these products, much less win. The minimum bid for even the silent auction items is higher than what we would be prepared to pay.
Each couple (or individual, if unmarried) is assigned a bidding paddle with a number after registering. My wife’s friend has repeatedly stated that we are her guests and are not required to place a bid or make a purchase.
The president of the group then sent us a letter. The main idea of the elegant letter was that you haven’t contributed to any of our previous fundraising efforts and, according to our data, you haven’t bid on anything in a number of years. This event requires a great deal of work and financial investment. To allow someone who is willing to support the organization to attend, we ask that you find a means to excuse yourself the following year. Don’t tell Nelly that I reached out to you.
In what way would you react to this?
Stories by
Judith Martin
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PERSONAL READER: Giving Nelly the letter and telling her that you are embarrassed, that you never intended to cause her any problems with the performing arts society, that you were always appreciative and delighted to attend, and that you will, of course, sadly but voluntarily, make room for someone with the means to bid on items at the event next year.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
