Greetings, Miss Manners I remarked the early arrival times at airports to a friend, adding that I like to use that time to unwind and observe other people. She responded with a terrible, disparaging remark about observing obese, unattractive people. “All they need to do is eat less,” she remarked.
I was taken aback and unsure of how to react. After a few seconds, I just remarked, “Ouch!” and shifted the conversation.
However, I came to the realization that I have no idea how to react to discriminatory remarks. Silence, in my opinion, implies agreement, and I don’t want to imply that I agree with deplorable, uninformed remarks.
PERSONAL READER: In this instance, you may have exclaimed, Oh! You don’t think I’m so cruel, surely! and shifted the conversation.
A convenient all-purpose disclaimer for rude or biased words is the equivalent: I do not share your sentiment. However, Miss Manners goes on to advise you to make better acquaintances.
Stories by
Judith Martin
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Miss Manners: Is not wanting to spend money on formalwear for friend s wedding a good reason not to go?
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Miss Manners: Should electric-car-driving guest ask permission before using homeowner s charging station?
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Miss Manners: Is it ghoulish to attend funeral of someone who was only a peripheral friend?
Greetings, Miss Manners I complimented a certain employee at a nearby restaurant’s corporate office. This employee thanked me and offered to give me a free supper if I asked for her the next time I was in.
Should I accept the offer even if I don’t want her to think I gave her a compliment in order to receive something for free?
PERSONAL READER: You can tell her what you told Miss Manners if it helps you feel better. However, politely accept the complimentary dinner and value the infrequent instance of two well-meaning people showing kindness to one another. Just remember to tip so as not to ruin the pleasant vibes.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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