Miss Manners: Choosing gifts based on your values, and not those of the recipient, isn’t really gift giving

Greetings, Miss Manners I have been gradually changing my lifestyle over the past two years to be more environmentally friendly. Is it impolite to provide reusable or environmentally friendly items to loved ones?

For instance, instead of using her employer’s throwaway plastic utensils for lunch, I would want to provide my sister with a set of reusable utensils now that she has a new job. Is that acceptable? Would goodie bags containing, for example, bamboo toothbrushes and powdered tooth soap be deemed too intimate for acquaintances?

Giving gifts that reflect my principles without interfering with someone’s right to select whatever goods best fit their lifestyle is something I wish to accomplish. How do I step over that boundary?

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PERSONAL READER: It’s a great distinction to think about. Another is Miss Manners: Is your goal to encourage the receivers to make adjustments they don’t particularly want to make, or are you thinking about gifts that you think they will value and enjoy?

Your loved ones are probably aware of your desire to live a more environmentally conscious lifestyle. You appear considerate enough to have expressed your opinions without using the widely used—and usually ineffectual—shaming tactic. You’ll have been aware of any interest and prepared to provide support and guidance.

However, it is against the spirit of giving to give gifts that are meant to please you rather than to please them. You may undoubtedly find products that honor your goals without pressuring others to use or waste them.

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Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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