Eating out is usually a fun experience, especially when I pick the restaurant, ensuring it’s a place that readers might want to know about. These spots are often newsworthy, whether they’re located in prime real estate, offer unique cuisine, have a renowned chef, or simply serve great tacos. However, there are times when I’m not the one choosing where to dine, and that can be a mixed bag.
Recently, I found myself in such a situation. I was dining with loved ones who had chosen a waterfront American restaurant in Upstate New York. As soon as I looked at the menu, I sensed trouble. The menu was too long, with a mix of dishes that didn’t quite go together—like lamb chop tikka masala alongside chicken francaise and pork osso bucco. These were red flags, and unfortunately, my concerns were justified. The meal was disappointing.
One thing I’ve learned as a food critic is that it’s sometimes best to change the subject rather than give a negative opinion when someone excitedly asks, “Isn’t this great?” It’s also wise to vet restaurants before committing to them. Thankfully, there are some simple, low-tech ways to avoid bad meals when dining out.
First, use your nose. A restaurant should smell like what it’s cooking. A steakhouse should be fragrant with the smell of beef, an Italian restaurant should have the aroma of garlic, and a Korean restaurant should have a tinge of chili in the air. If you walk into a restaurant and there’s no pleasant cooking smell—or worse, a smell of cleaning products like bleach—consider turning around and leaving.
Next, listen to the atmosphere. Loud music, especially early in the evening, is usually a bad sign. It indicates that the restaurant might not prioritize its diners’ comfort or the health of its staff. For example, the Washington branch of the chain STK plays music so loudly that it’s impossible to hear servers properly, making it clear that food isn’t their main focus.
First impressions are also crucial. If the staff is short with you on the phone when you make a reservation, it’s likely the in-person service will be the same. Diners should also check the restaurant’s website—if it fails to list prices or still has Mother’s Day specials listed in the middle of summer, it’s a sign the place isn’t paying attention.
Activity is another indicator of quality. If you see a host outside with menus trying to lure people in, that’s a red flag. A good restaurant doesn’t need to use flashy tactics to attract diners. Inside, look for servers who seem happy and proud to work there, and for a buzz of activity—like diners willing to wait for a table. A busy place is usually a good sign, while a slow restaurant, particularly a sushi joint, should be avoided.
When reading reviews, be cautious. Check the date of glowing reviews from major publications. If the review is over a year old, it might not be reliable, as restaurants can change over time, just like live theater with shifting casts and scripts. Also, be wary of reviews from people who are no longer alive, as their opinions may no longer reflect the current state of the restaurant. While platforms like Yelp can be helpful, remember that the reviews are often from anonymous users with unknown credentials.
Menus can also give clues about the quality of a restaurant. Be wary of menus with lots of typos, exclamation marks, or phrases like “cooked to perfection.” These are usually signs of sloppiness, which might extend to the food. Long menus with too many options, or menus with too many pictures, can also be red flags.
Cleanliness is another critical factor. While I’ve eaten in great places with less-than-spotless restrooms, a dirty dining room is a bad sign. If the chef’s jacket is stained, the floors are sticky, or tables are left uncleaned for too long, it suggests a lack of attention and possibly understaffing.
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Lastly, use the transportation test. If the restaurant’s parking lot is full of local license plates, it’s probably a good place to eat. Buses, however, are a sign of a tourist trap. So if you see a lot of tour buses outside, it might be best to find somewhere else to dine.
