To Annie, please: The cliquey nature of the other teachers at the school where I teach has been a problem for me throughout the years. The epidemic struck shortly after I started working there, and a lot of people friended one another on Facebook. I accepted a lot of friend requests because, during those first few gloomy months, that was the only thing that gave us a sense of belonging, and it felt nice.
But after a few years, I couldn’t help but notice how people tagged and commented on one other’s posts as if they were real-life pals, but never with me.Few people are aware that I had cancer during the epidemic, and I was unable to attend many of the social gatherings that helped to cement those ties. I therefore understood a little, but I assumed that eventually I would be invited in. That never occurred, and the volume of posts from coworkers that would appear in my feed made me feel left out.
After a few years, I decided to block and unfriend a lot of individuals from my workplace on Facebook so I wouldn’t have to see it and feel horrible.When happy hours or staff events are promoted, I go out and mingle, ask people questions, and demonstrate my interest in them as individuals and in what they have to say. I frequently leave feeling disappointed, though, because most individuals don’t seem interested in me at all.
I’ve asked folks I’ve met at work to dinner at my house with my husband over the years, and even to our wedding. The couples accepted our invites with pleasure, and we had a good time, but I’ve never received a follow-up invitation.I learned last week that a lot of other instructors were invited to a party for one of the teachers’ birthdays last weekend, but I was left out. It stung a little that I wasn’t invited because I usually sit next to this instructor at the break table for lunch, talk to him nicely, and listen to his stories.
The employees at the workplace are no better. With the exception of one woman, none of them greet me or smile. I am not sure why, but I am starting to feel like a pariah at work. I have a nice and healthy home life, have acquired friends through various activities, interests, and groups, yet it bothers me that my office feels so elitist and chilly.I would like to stay because I enjoy the school, the children, and the leadership, but I am thinking of looking for a job elsewhere. However, I secretly wonder if I am the issue and have a reputation or some other unattractive quality that turns off potential coworkers. I’ve begun therapy for other reasons, but I want to talk about this too. I was wondering what you think I should do to learn how to interpret this criticism at work. — Not Greetings from Washington
Dear Unwelcome: You have every right to feel offended by the way your coworkers have treated you. This might be more related to the fact that you’re new and joined during a difficult period, which makes it more difficult to integrate. It takes time to build connections, and it’s normal for people to take their time getting to know one another.One of the best reasons to stay is if you adore the school, the administration, and the pupils. Over time, faculty dynamics can shift, and you might connect with current colleagues or meet new ones.Keep in mind that we only have control over our own responses to other people’s behavior. Redirecting someone might sometimes feel like rejection. It’s okay if you weren’t supposed to be a part of that party or group.Well done for making the decision to seek treatment and maintaining your curiosity in yourself! As you proceed on this path of personal development, you’ll probably discover that deep friendships will emerge organically. Try not to obsess on the origins of those friendships or how they should appear. You can establish relationships outside of work; you don’t have to be friends with your coworkers.For the time being, concentrate on the aspects of your work that you find enjoyable: the students, the administration, and the school itself. Those are great reasons to stick with and succeed in your position.
For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
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