Dear Annie: Lonely 65-year-old lets her trust issues keep her from forming relationships

To Annie, please: My upbringing was filled with abuse in every meaning of the word, and my mother passed away when I was five years old. I’m 65 years old and still have childhood trauma.In my early twenties, I found myself in what I believed to be a wonderful relationship and believed he loved me. He didn’t want to be involved when I became pregnant. I was a single mother after he departed.I determined to be the parent I always wished I had because I enjoyed being a mother. Now that she is an adult, my daughter has a teenager of her own. I treasure the time I have with them.My problem is that I wish I had someone in my life because I feel so alone. But I don’t want to be in another relationship.

I joined the local senior center and work part-time, but I am unable to engage as much as I would want because of my employment. Despite living close by, I don’t get to see my daughter as much as I would like to because she is so busy with her life. Making friends is really hard for me, and I struggle with trust.How can I lessen my loneliness? — New York is lonely.To Lonely, please: Well done on being the parent you’ve always wanted. That’s no little accomplishment! The fruits of all that labor will be enjoyed by both your daughter and your grandchild.You have more time to concentrate on the things that bring you joy now that you are an empty nester. It sounds like your employment limits your free time, but joining a church or other religious group, joining a club, or taking up a new pastime could make your life more fulfilling and introduce you to people who share your interests. You may be pleasantly surprised by the individuals you meet, but there’s no need to jump into a friendship or relationship you’re not ready for.As you start establishing new relationships, a competent therapist can assist you in resolving your trust issues.

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To Annie, please: I just encountered an unforeseen soup situation and would like your opinion on what the appropriate course of action would have been.My mom spent hours preparing a delectable soup so that my sister would have a nice lunch ready when she arrived at our house after she recently traveled across the country to visit my mom and me. My mother is an excellent chef. Unfortunately, we discovered that a little brush used to clean bottle parts had dropped into the soup and may have cooked with it for some time while we were all scooping bowls of soup and sitting down to eat. My mom would have been devastated if we had refused to eat it, but my sister and I were rather put off. How would you have responded? — The Soup DilemmaDear Soup Dilemma: Your mother must have appreciated your efforts to put her feelings ahead of your own pain during this embarrassing moment, as it is clear that you and your sister wanted to do. Humor is a great way to lighten the mood and alleviate awkward situations. You might have found the ideal balance between being courteous to your mother and being open about your discomfort by taking out the brush and warming the soup until it was safe to consume again.

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