To Annie, please: Gabe and I have been friends for 13 or 14 years. We have gone to social gatherings since meeting on the Meetup website. He was excluded from groups and is uncomfortable in social situations. I included him because I felt sorry for him.
Since I was preparing to leave town at the time, I felt it would be appropriate to keep inviting him to various social events sometimes in order to be kind. We often get together four or five times a year, generally for a meal and a Costco shopping excursion, and I have been sending him holiday cards ever since.Almost every time we meet, Gabe discusses the same topics. Since I am aware of his loneliness and lack of companions, I give in to him. With the exception of Christmas get-togethers, he is not married and doesn’t spend much time with his family. Overall, he is a harmless and pleasant man.
Simply said, the friendship doesn’t enrich my life. Spending time with him has seemed like a charity case for a while now, even though I’ve tried and I don’t really want to or have to. I do it almost professionally, so it seems like I’ve been with him because I wanted to. It seems inauthentic and dishonest to me. Rather than ignoring him, I would choose to sever our friendship.I am aware that doing this and cutting off communication would cause him pain, which is another reason why this Band-Aid ought to have been torn off long ago. I could talk to someone about renegotiating the friendship’s limits, but I don’t want to.
I am aware of this since I am using the recent election as a justification to avoid him and to argue against him based on an incident that happened during our most recent encounter. He told me how humorous he finds it that he came up with clever nicknames to mock other people’s names, regardless of whether those individuals liked them or not. Since I believe that to be bullying conduct, I reprimanded him for it at the time.How do I stop this friendship? — All Set to Let Go
To Ready: Any form of breakup will inevitably be awkward, but if your behavior with Gabe is a façade for your true feelings, then you’re making the proper decision. It doesn’t benefit either of you to pretend to be his friend.Because you and Gabe only get to see each other a few times a year, it’s easy for your friendship to wane on its own. You must, however, politely and directly inform him that you believe it would be best for you both to part ways if you are determined not to ghost him. He will be upset since, as you mentioned, he doesn’t have many other friends to lean on, but it’s better for you both to break up than to keep up a connection that isn’t genuine.
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