To Annie, please: My 19-year-old wife continues to stay in touch with her high school ex-boyfriend.They dated throughout high school, and when they split up, he slandered her by telling all of her classmates about her and then sending her a lengthy letter accusing her of being a slut.After several years, when we had recently tied the knot, they reconnected by some odd coincidence. He doesn’t respect me or our marriage, so I informed her that I didn’t enjoy it when she spoke to him. He would phone her at two or three in the morning to chat, and he would even beg her to join him on vacation.I recently learned that she invited him to join her and some of my friends at a music festival. She did it even though she knew I wouldn’t approve, which infuriated me. I told her again that she isn’t honoring my requests and that he doesn’t respect me. She dismissed it as unimportant. What ought I to do? — Angry With My WifeTo Frustrated, I don’t blame you for being frustrated, though! Your wife should have discussed certain ground rules with you if she wanted to maintain her friendship with her ex. It is disrespectful to you and the marriage you have created with her to talk to him in the middle of the night or behind your back.Calmly let her know what you think and make some specific demands that will help you feel more at ease in the relationship. You could want to be present when she speaks to him on the phone, or you might want to be included when they see each other. Or perhaps you should let her know that she shouldn’t be chatting to him at this hour. You really have to tolerate that?She is jeopardizing your marriage if she is unwilling to make concessions on her relationship with her ex.
To Annie, please: Each year, my brother and sister-in-law make a calendar for the entire family that includes images. All of our family’s birthdays and anniversaries are also noted on the calendar.My mother recently died. The 2025 calendar will undoubtedly feature pictures of her, but should we also keep her birthday and wedding anniversary listed? A part of me believes my dad would be offended if we took the dates off, while another part of me believes he would not want to be reminded of his passing. I hate to question him because he’s so emotional right now.Any ideas? — The Calendar DilemmaTo Calendar Conundrum, I want to start by saying how sorry I am for your loss.Your father will undoubtedly be thinking of your mother and lamenting the beautiful times they would have shared if she were still here, whether or not you include these dates.This year’s calendar should be created by your brother and sister-in-law as usual, including your mother’s birthday and wedding anniversary. This will remind others that even though she is no longer with us, we never forget her.
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