“Thank you” notes after the holidays are due. Have you dispatched yours yet? Getty Images.Getty Pictures
To Annie, please: A few years ago, I was the one who wrote to you about giving non-responders a package of thank-you notes and Forever Stamps as presents. It didn’t do too well. I gave the issue some more thinking this year and made the decision to be direct—at least with my own five grandchildren, who are between the ages of eleven and twenty-five.I concluded that I shouldn’t expect people to read my mind if I didn’t tell them. I made it clear to them what I expected from them moving ahead. If I give you a gift in person, I say it’s enough if you open it in front of me and say “thank you.” If I ship you a present, I anticipate hearing back promptly to let you know it came and was appreciated.I clarified that I would require a phone call or email to confirm that the present had arrived and wasn’t stolen by a porch pirate because I don’t text. I informed them that going forward, I would be keeping two lists: one for gifts and one for cards only. They will be moved to the cards-only list if they don’t get back to me right away.One of them hasn’t arrived yet to pick up his gift; another opened it in front of me; a third contacted me from out of town and we had a pleasant conversation; and a fourth opened it in front of me but called me anyway, saying, “Granny, I just wanted to make sure I stay on the gift list.”When the 11-year-old’s birthday arrives later in January, I will honor my promise because I haven’t heard from him yet. I may give him another chance later, but not this year.This seems to be going to work! — Getting Right to the Point
To put it bluntly: I adore this strategy. People aren’t mind readers, you’re right, and setting clear expectations will help avoid a lot of annoyances before they become major issues.
To Annie, please: Numb and Lost wrote to you about their difficulties finding appropriate therapy and emotional detachment brought on by trauma and life issues. I can connect because I’m a 37-year-old man who has struggled in therapy and faced obstacles as a result.In many respects, locating quality therapy is a struggle unto itself, on top of the one brought on by the initial reason we seek therapy. Persistence is essential, even though it’s unfair and might make an already challenging situation appear even more dismal.For anyone seeking mental health assistance, I suggest starting with the National Alliance on Mental Illness, or NAMI. They can offer resources tailored to an individual’s location and circumstances. NAMI.org is where you can locate them.It can be challenging to locate a qualified therapist. One step at a time, please. It’s certainly worth the effort when you locate a decent one. — Relentless WaddlerTo the tenacious waddler: You’re right that it can be difficult to find a good therapist on your own. However, it’s well worth it. Permanence, tenacity, and persistence in the face of all challenges, discouragements, and impossibilities are what, according to Thomas Carlyle, set the strong soul apart from the weak. I appreciate your letter.
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