To Annie, please: I go to church with a woman named Patty who dated my husband ten years ago. My spouse informed me of her efforts over this period, which resulted in her answering the front door of her house while wearing just a towel. He had been contacted by Patty to pick up something. My spouse insisted that I accompany him because he was afraid of her relentless flirting. So when she answered the door, I was standing there instead of my husband. “I apologize for interrupting your naked time,” I said at the time. I also expressed my regret to my husband for downplaying his worries about Patty.I have made a conscious effort to forgive her for the last ten years later, and I treat her with open kindness and friendliness. But lately, I’ve had a sneaking suspicion that she’s bringing me up when the church prays and I’m not there. First names are screamed out when our little church’s pastor asks the congregation for whoever they would like to pray. When I watch the church service online, I have seen her yelling my first name. I have a unique name. A few folks have inquired about my well-being. When I go in person, Patty hasn’t called my name. Should I continue politely without responding, or should I take some action? — I’m in need of prayers to avoid drama.To Those in Need of Prayer: Address Patty politely but personally regarding these public prayer shoutouts if you feel comfortable doing so. This not only gives you two a chance to formally clear the air after ten years of unpleasantness, but it also demonstrates to her that you are aware of what she is doing even if you are not present at these services.The fact that you so kindly pardoned Patty for her incredibly inappropriate actions toward your husband speaks much about your character. Although her current motivations are unknown, it’s possible that she believes she is being kind to you by praying for you.
To Annie, please: I’m writing about a heartbroken cancer survivor who feels she irritates her family by repeating talks and queries she can’t recall since she has short-term memory loss from chemotherapy. “I feel like I have no voice in my own home,” she remarked.I used to work with people who had traumatic brain injuries as an occupational therapist. Short-term memory loss is another issue they address. Instead of Heartbroken asking the same question over and over again, we encourage them to keep a notebook with them and write down questions and replies, dates, the day’s calendar, etc. This way, once she asks a question and receives an answer, she can write it down and refer to it later. This is also helpful for entering the day’s itinerary, meal, etc. I’m hoping this may help Heartbroken with her predicament. — Wishing to AssistTo Hope: I appreciate your letter. This is exactly what a number of other readers suggested in their correspondence. Numerous others praised speech-language pathologists in related fields and their potential to aid in healing.
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