Greetings, Abby My friend’s spouse is extremely frugal. He detests spending cash. They have substantial assets and are retired. He never takes her out to dinner or gets her anything for her birthday. On Valentine’s Day, he also doesn’t get her a card.They commute between their residences, each of which they own. She keeps her refrigerator filled when he visits. He is starving when she visits him. She needs to get food for the two of them at the market. In the market, he then loses his temper over having to pay for food. Restaurants are expensive, which is why he despises them.He visits the nearby hospital and purchases his dinner from the cafeteria because he is so frugal. She believes he should do SOMETHING for her on holidays and other special occasions, even if they keep their monies apart. She always treats him well, taking him to dinners and athletic activities, among other things. He finds dividing the bill annoying if they go out with a bunch of people. In order for him to pay his and her half, she is constantly sneaking him money.His cheapness is now having an impact on their marriage. Is there anything you can do, Abby, to help a cheapskate husband? He just doesn’t want to spend any of the money that he has. — ASKING FOR A FRIENDDEAR Your buddy must have been aware of her husband’s peculiarity if they were together for a fair amount of time prior to marriage. He might be deeply afraid of poverty. She had to speak up since she finds it harder and harder to live with his penurity. It may have been a very smart move to keep their homes and financial holdings apart. (You did not ask if they are content with other parts of their marriage.)If he is prepared to acknowledge that there is a problem, counseling could be beneficial. If she’s asking for your guidance, advise her to eat healthily and be less giving before she gets to his house. He should go to the shop to fill his empty cupboard or perhaps treat himself to dinner in the hospital cafeteria, not her. Although not all spouses want gifts, she might have to come to terms with the fact that they are two very different individuals if she does and he chooses to disregard it. Although opposites can attract, it doesn’t seem to be the case here. How unfortunate.
Stories by
Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby: Woman finds fiance has been fooling around with men on the internet. Should I call off this wedding?
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Dear Abby: My wife is ready to leave me because I won’t allow her to get a small dog
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Dear Abby: I’ve been estranged from my daughter for 30 years. Is it worth it to reach out to her now?
Greetings, Abby It’s been three years since I became a widow. I’ve been crushing on this man for a few years, but we’ve been friends for eight years. I don’t want to break up our friendship, but I’m not sure how to express my thoughts to him. How can I approach him without destroying our friendship? — I’m feeling lost. DISAPPEARING: Do you interact with this individual? Tell him how much you like him and how special he is to you the next time you go out together if you do. Inform him that you could have a crush on him if he responds favorably. Afterward, pay attention. I wouldn’t say that’s being overly direct, but you’ll know your crush isn’t reciprocated if he leaves. Nothing was gained or risked.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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