Greetings, Abby My adolescent granddaughter is identifying as a boy, I was just told.
She wants others to use the pronouns he/him when referring to her because she prefers a masculine name. To some extent, her parents are encouraging. Her mother uses the pronouns and name she prefers.
At home, her father will continue to use her birth name and pronouns, but he encourages her to use this name and pronouns in school and other settings. She seems to accept the fact that he has told her this.My spouse concurs with the father of the child. I also do, but I would like to keep in touch with my granddaughter.
We used to primarily converse by mail or SMS in the past. With the exception of a brief drive-by visit during COVID, I haven’t seen her in person in a long time. Although I hope she has a bright future and that she knows how much I love her, I am deeply saddened by this circumstance. How do I get in touch with her? How should I respond? — DISPUTE IN OKLAHOMA
Stories by
Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby: How can we keep our daughter s eating disorder private, yet still explain why she s been ill?
DEAR CONFLICTED: Use your grandchild’s preferred name when you text or mail him, just as you have always done.
Be happy that he is able to express himself authentically rather than feeling depressed. Keep telling your grandchild that his grandparents love and embrace him because transgender persons of all ages face a lot of discrimination.
An group called PFLAG can be useful if you would like more information about how to get to a greater understanding level. It is available at pflag.org.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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