Greetings, Abby My parent is an alcoholic, and I am his adult child. My mom is a cruel alcoholic. I had to treat her co-dependency and serve as her therapist as she grew up.
I’ve been fortunate to have a loving and healthy family of my own and to have processed a lot of the trauma in therapy. We deliberately stay away from Mom after 3 p.m. because I don’t want my children to experience her abuse. I don’t believe it’s good for them to be around violent, drunk people.
I’m expecting a child. Being in the delivery room during a birth has always been a dream of mine. But I’d rather she wasn’t with us in the delivery room. She has a way of making everything about herself, creating drama, and upsetting me, so I don’t want to be around her while she’s intoxicated. I would like not to have to cope with her egotism during childbirth.
We had a reason for not having her there: our first child was born during the COVID outbreak. We are grateful that our child survived the incredibly traumatic birth.
Since she was never able to have children of her own, my godmother wishes to be present in the delivery room. Her presence would be very appreciated. We get along well and are really close. When I want my godmother there but not my alcoholic mother, how do I bring up the subject? — PRESENTING THE NEWS
Stories by
Abigail Van Buren
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Greetings, Delivery: Here’s how: Be very honest with your mother and stop skirting the issue. You are the one having this birth experience, not her. Because an increase in the mother’s blood pressure might have a negative impact on the baby, the patient must be at ease and free from any poisonous energy. You shouldn’t feel guilty about having your godmother by your side if she offers you the emotional support you require.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
