Greetings, Abby I recently turned 29. After six years of dating, my partner, Jeremy, and I have discussed getting engaged. Early on in our relationship, he established a deadline for when he would pop the question: either by the time we were five years together or he turned thirty. I thought he would pop the question after both of those marks occurred last year, but he didn’t. The fact that people keep asking me, “Why not?” makes me feel ashamed. Other than the fact that Jeremy is simply not ready, I have no response.We are both saving and living well within our means, so I don’t want anything pricey, but he informed me he wants to pay off some bills before purchasing a ring. Jeremy is concentrating on his hobbies and physical training. I feel like we’re stuck in the post-college lifestyle, even though I’m ready to buy a house, get married, and possibly even start a kid.I’ve mentioned everything above to Jeremy multiple times, but it looks like he doesn’t care. If not, he assures me that the commitment is already there and that he will reach a point at which he feels prepared. It has no meaning or excitement for him, therefore he told me that the only reason he would ever propose is because I want it!Because I feel this way, I’m perplexed and concerned that something is wrong with me. My pals are all married. They are starting families and have purchased homes. I’m fed up with waiting for this train to arrive, and I’m angry that he hasn’t adhered to his schedule. Even if he does ask, I’m not sure if I should say yes at this point. Should I trust him to honor his word or should I flee? He has consistently been truthful with me. — WAITING AND WAITINGDEAR WAITING: You have to make some crucial choices regarding your future when a man tells you that marriage holds no significance or joy for him and that he would pop the question when he feels ready, but he isn’t ready after five years. It is not a given that your union will be joyful just because you are trying to force a marriage proposal out of him because all of your friends have gotten married and started children.Inform Jeremy that you seem to be in separate time zones, that you value marriage, and that he hasn’t fulfilled his commitment to you for the past five years. So that you won’t be writing about the same issue in five more years, move on.
Stories by
Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby: My husband’s cruel ‘jokes’ about my dad are ruining our marriage
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Dear Abby: Why should I have to follow my wife’s heart-healthy diet. I’m fine!
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Dear Abby: His ex-wife talked smack about him. Now his new love is pulling away
Greetings, Abby I need your aid to keep a very old friendship alive. One of my friends won’t let me finish a remark, a comment, or a tale. She became irritated when I attempted to be kind and asked, “Please, let me finish.” She did it again when we just went to lunch with another buddy! How can I ask her to wait her turn in a kind manner? — EDGEWISEDEAR WORD IN WORD: It wouldn’t harm to state it in plain English. Ask this woman why she feels the need to interrupt you, and then do it immediately after. (You will need to make changes to either your friend list or your storytelling if the response is that you held the floor for too long.)
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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