Greetings, Abby My spouse and I have a lovely girl who will be two years old soon. My dad and his family were excitedly anticipating her arrival and talking about their plans for life as new grandparents before she was born. We simply knew that their involvement would be so intense that it would drive us insane. It’s the exact opposite!My 5-year-old half-brother, who was just diagnosed with autism, is looked after by my parents, who work more than forty hours a week. I have to give them some leeway, of course. However, his folks are not workaholics. Their activities include joining a quilting club, taking scuba diving courses, and spending a few weeks at the lake. After telling us how much fun they had, they inquire about our daughter’s wellbeing. (It had been weeks since they last saw her.)I am aware that a grandparent’s role has evolved. Raising children is giving them a taste of freedom. But in my opinion, these are not free child care. Since they are my family, I wanted to see all of their prenatal dreams for her come to fruition.My parents recently announced that they would not be able to take time off work to attend her birthday celebration, which is why I am writing this. They knew it was coming, and I know it was possible for them to plan a work around for the party. I’m devastated.Without assistance from family, I feel like we are raising our daughter alone. I m angry that they are missing out on this wonderful little person and consider other things more important than their grandchild. Am I expecting too much from them? Is it incorrect for me to be annoyed by this? — SINGLE IN ILLINOISDEAR: Emotions are neither good nor bad. I won t judge you for having them. But ask yourself whether your anger is useful or a detriment to your relationship with your parents and in-laws. Your parents are caring for a child with disabilities, in addition to their full-time jobs. Resenting them for not attending a 2-year-old s birthday party is a waste of your energy.Your in-laws, regardless of what they said during your pregnancy, appear to be more centered on themselves than on their grandchild. Regrettable? Yes. But rather than dwell on it, accept it for what it is and move on.
Stories by
Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby: Man longs for the closeness of family he had prior to his mother s death
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Dear Abby: Would it set our hoarding sister back if we tell her we don’t want her stuff as ‘gifts’?
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Dear Abby: My parents raised my daughter to be an entitled teenager. Now they want me to take her back
Greetings, Abby I’ve been married to my hubby for fifteen years. He decided to stop eating sweets and go on a diet. But I’ve noticed that my chocolates have been disappearing lately. We live alone, and I m not sure whether to call him out to help keep him accountable or remain quiet in order to keep the peace. — WELL-MEANING WIFEDEAR WIFE: OK, so your husband took the pledge and seems to have lapsed. My question is, is he still losing weight, or has he hit a plateau? If he s losing — albeit more slowly, look the other way. If he isn t, then casually comment (with a smile) that your chocolates seem to be disappearing faster than you can consume them, but do NOT assume the role of the food police.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby atwww.DearAbby.comor P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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