To Eric, I will spend the rest of my life caring for my adult son, who has a psychiatric disability and persistent medical diseases.
The majority of his monthly disability income is used on his prescription drugs, medical appointments, and hospital stays that include numerous surgeries. In order to prevent his assets from exceeding the required amount, my lawyer advised me to choose an executor of my will who would be able to continue receiving disability benefits.
The majority of individuals I know who are capable of doing this are around my age (70), and we could all pass away, leaving him in a difficult situation. Although she is reluctant to accept such a responsibility, my younger buddy in her 40s is the perfect candidate for this.
According to what I understand, he would phone her when he needed money, and she would merely transfer the funds from my account to his. Bills would be paid automatically. The rest is trust. Additionally, I was informed that a bank or financial planner could fill this position, but they would charge exorbitant fees, and my son’s extreme social anxiety would prevent him from interacting with strangers. What recommendations do you or your informed readers have for me?
Worried About the Future
To Whom It Concerns: To acquire some best practices for people in your situation, I spoke with lawyer Lindsey Weidenbach, who specializes in estate planning among other areas. She was obviously unable to offer legal advice, but she did assist me in better comprehending the relevant circumstances. She said that estate processes, which include creating an inventory of assets, can take years to administer and demand a great deal of mental energy and effort. Therefore, the extent of the responsibilities expected of a will’s executor may be a contributing factor in your friend’s hesitancy.
I want to know if you’ve talked about the possibility of appointing someone as a trustee of the trust, which may entail a far more constrained set of responsibilities, such as handling the calls from your son that you described. Additionally, this would offer a check and balance method that eliminates the need for your friend to access your account.
It’s also conceivable that your friend feels doubtful of her capacity to assume that job after witnessing the amount of attention you give. You should discuss it with your pal, supposing you have considered what services or experts can assist your son in the same manner that you do. Does your son require assistance with transportation? Will a medical advocate be required for him? Your friend will benefit if you give her a straightforward explanation of what is being asked.
Your planning efforts are significant and heartfelt. I am also aware that there are a lot of unknowns and that it is worrisome. For more advice, you might also wish to get in touch with a group like the Academy of Special Needs Planners (specialneedsanswers.com), if you haven’t already.
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: Can we include photos from our real wedding at second event held where we live now?
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Asking Eric: My renter doesn’t want to pay her portion of utilities for time she was away
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Asking Eric: Are family members, looking for advice, actually only seeking a handout?
To Eric, Urinating on plants can only be a sign of a mental illness, according to your response to Sad In Urinetown. I contest this. The numerous easily accessible research and articles from gardening and agriculture that address this subject may have been too much for you to read.
All things considered, urine is a typically healthy fertilizer that contains a variety of beneficial elements for plant development. The only things that shame us for doing what our ancestors did throughout human history without harming plant life are social convention and misguided laws prohibiting public urination.
So maybe you should change your advice? Except insofar as laws and societal norms are concerned, this action is harmless. May he learn a place and a time, like many of us do, to take care of our plants and our earth by urinating outside when it doesn’t violate law and order instead of putting all of our urine through expensive municipal water treatment plants that demand a lot of inputs.
Lover of Plants
To All Plant Lovers: I decided to share your letter because I thought the arguments about urea being an excellent fertilizer were fascinating, and I expect others might too. However, I disagree with the claim that I stated that the letter writer’s husband’s practice of urinating outside could only be mentally deranged behavior.
It is advised that urine be diluted rather than flowing directly from the person, I discovered after reading further. A lot to think about.
The letter’s author claimed that despite her husband’s repeated apologies for using the restroom outside, he persisted in doing so, indicating forgetfulness or willfulness rather than a desire for the most abundant flowers. This, in my opinion, is a communication problem between the spouses. But now that she knows that this practice can help their patio plants, she might decide to look at it positively in the future. I appreciate you teaching me about urinating.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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