To Eric, I’m a lady in her late fifties. I have no children and have never been married. Both my brother and I were raised by my father, who died when he was forty years old. I’ve been with this person for a long time, and we both love and respect each other.
My father is in poor health and is in his late 80s. I can’t stop wondering that I’ll be alone when my spouse and father both pass away.
My friends from almost two decades ago had gone on to start their own lives. I would rather not explain why I was abandoned. One of my anxieties is that I will be abandoned. I already feel like I’m in mourning. The state of the world in which we live is bleak.
How can I feel better? I’ve attempted various workouts, but my arthritis prevents me from doing them. I would be really thankful for any guidance you could provide.
The upside-down
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To Upside Down, The sensation of melancholy before to a loss is known as anticipatory grieving. Because there isn’t an event to cling to in the present, it can be quite challenging to navigate.
But by admitting that you’re feeling it, you’ve already made the first step toward overcoming it. Don’t be scared to discuss your fear with your father or your spouse. It may feel like you have to handle this on your own, which only compounds your fear of being alone after they pass. You provide them the opportunity to analyze your feelings and possibly gain fresh insights by sharing your love and the issues you’re struggling with.
You and your father could talk more about how to make the time you have together meaningful. The conversation with your partner might also include practical discussions about planning or ways your partner can help you in your effort to lift your spirits.
Even the act of telling those we love that we re going through a hard time can crack the door open inside of us and let a little light and relief in. Additionally, it can be helpful to say, I have planned for what I can plan for and, at this moment, I m going to be present in my life and with the things that bring me joy.
Discussing your feelings with a counselor would also be beneficial, as will attempting to come up with communities or activities that you can participate in right away to strengthen your support network.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas [email protected] P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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