Asking Eric: Why is my future sister-in-law excluding me from family photos?

To Eric, I need outside counsel on how to deal with my future sister-in-law. She never fails to include me in her photos of friends and relatives.

She requested a photo of my fianc and their mother at church; I know she just wanted them in it. However, even I, my future mother-in-law, recommended that she take one. Naturally, she didn’t, and to a certain extent, that’s okay.

She has ignored me more than once before. I requested to attend her daughter’s recent baby shower, but for some reason I was passed over and the subject was never brought up again.

Since I wasn’t invited to the shower, the gift I did give her after the fact had been sitting there for more than a month.

She snapped pictures of everyone during their mother’s birthday celebration last year. except from me. I understand that she might have missed me because there must have been seventy-five individuals.

I simply don’t know how to respond to her rejection. My fianc appears to be unaware of her actions and never brings them up. Even while I understand that other people’s treatment of you is a better indicator of their personality, it still makes me feel excluded. What recommendations do you have for me?

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To Frame: First of all, I recognize that it’s okay and worthwhile to pay attention if you feel excluded. However, I would like to know why your prospective sister-in-law’s inclusion is so powerful. She may be the family photographer, therefore her refusal to take pictures of you is a form of relationship erasure or delegitimization. Or maybe all you want is for her to like you.

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All legitimate, but it’s unlikely to be resolved without a little more research. Does your fiancé’s sister’s actions reflect the attitude of the entire family tree, or is the rest of the family accepting to you? Telling your fiancé that you feel excluded from the family as a whole is a smart idea.

Speaking with your fiancé about it is a good first step, even if it is only regarding the sister-in-law. Loop him in because his ignorance feels alienating right now. He should take your feelings seriously and, ideally, take steps to make you feel included at the next event, even if he insists there’s nothing to worry about.

For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.

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