To Eric, Your column is really enjoyable to read! I’m grateful. The mother, who is going to the UK for vacations with her husband’s family, sent the letter “Unhappy Holiday.” She is upset that her sister-in-law has organized an event that will only include her husband and child and has not included the writer’s family.
I should also mention that it’s reasonable—possibly even smart—for breakaway events to take place during big family gatherings. For the sister-in-law, spending time with her immediate family may be more essential than spending time with the entire large group of individuals.
That you urged the letter writer to grab the reindeer by the horns and organize her own trip to see Santa with her children makes me happy. Once again, I appreciate your letter and the thoughtful, compassionate guidance you provide to us readers.
The reader
To the Reader: I appreciate your warm remarks and your letter. It is impossible to overestimate the value of taking a brief break on a group holiday, especially when family is involved. In addition to being more logistically doable, splitting up the gathering into smaller groups—perhaps based on family lines or mixing and matching—allows for the probable scenario that not everyone has the same degree of energy, interest in activities, or social preferences.
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: My former bestie can t go more than 2-3 weeks between very serious relationships
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Asking Eric: Son s callous comments about my grieving friend make us not want to spend holidays with him
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Asking Eric: Employee I manage is chronically late, unable to complete tasks independently
To Eric, I would say that she might be making a very smart decision in response to her father’s worry that his daughter and her live-in partner were not pooling their money. The guy frequently makes unnecessary purchases. She can be shielding her funds from his decisions.
My husband made more money than I did when we were married forty years ago, and I thought his financial decisions were frivolous. I proposed that we keep it separate since I didn’t want to get into conflicts over money. I eventually made a lot more money than he did. We continued to contribute equally to joint costs while keeping our money separate. Money has never been a point of contention between us. With less money at his disposal, he has become less frivolous.
A Sensible Decision
To Wise Choice: I appreciate you sharing your story. Every marriage must find money management techniques that work for them, as your case demonstrates. For a variety of reasons, not combining works for many people.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
