To Eric, I read At a Crossroads’ letter, in which she expressed her belief that she had treated her spouse cruelly following his traumatic brain injury. I question whether the wife requires more counseling than her spouse.
I was struck by a car crossing the street about four years ago, during the peak of COVID. For several months, I clung to life in a hospital. My wife was prohibited from seeing me due to COVID, and she was informed during the first week that I was unlikely to make it.
While I was having multiple surgeries to preserve my life, she provided me with support. I felt really resentful when I eventually left the hospital. I came to the realization that, despite the fact that I was in unbearable pain, she also endured a tremendous deal of emotional distress. We also discussed parting up. Our connection was irrevocably altered. But we never gave up on one another, and we are thankful for that today. Overcoming disasters requires patience and trust, particularly when the suffering is so intense that it is difficult to handle.
being in a state of transition
To Crossroads, Thank you for sharing your experience. I m so sorry for what you endured, both physically and emotionally. Empathy, like that which you extended to your wife, is to my mind, one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. And ourselves. Even in the middle of unimaginable pain, you were able to step outside of yourself and consider how another person might be experiencing life. That s not always doable and it s rarely easy. But when we can manage it, empathy can radically change our lives, our mindsets and our relationships.
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: What’s an appropriate reward for person who found, and returned, my lost wallet?
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Asking Eric: My son s family has shut me out of Christmas celebrations. How can I ask to be included?
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Asking Eric: Is my mom s grief causing her disturbing behavior?
To Eric, Regarding Lost Reference, a letter written by someone who had a supervisor ghost on a reference for a second job: There is another and quite likely reason the supervisor did not send a reference for her employee. She feared the employee would do so well at his part-time job that the new employer would offer the employee a full-time job and she would lose her great employee.
A young employee with few employer references can use a former teacher, religious leader, older long-time friend or close neighbor as a reference.
Other Option
Dear Option: This is great guidance. Sometimes jobseekers can face a catch-22 potential employers want employment references, but how can one get references without employment? In some cases, character-based references are acceptable and can speak to an applicant s work-readiness, ethics and drive.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas [email protected] P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him onInstagramand sign up for his weekly newsletter atrericthomas.com.
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