To Eric, Two years ago, my wife and I got married. We both experienced widowhood following lengthy, fulfilling marriages, and we consider ourselves fortunate to have met one another.
Each of our first husbands was buried in a separate local cemetery after they passed away. Each surviving spouse’s name, birth year, and, of course, no death year (yet!) are listed on the headstones in each instance. Therefore, my wife and I would be buried with our first spouses upon our deaths, with no mention of our second spouses. However, it also feels wrong to remove our names from the existing headstones (which are actually bronze plaques, thus it is possible to do so) and be buried together somewhere else.
In our last resting places, how can we identify our spouses, both past and present? All I want is for both my first and second happy marriages to be acknowledged.
Considering the Future
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To Thinking: The fact that you are considering this now is a gift to those who will live after you. Redesigning the plaques to include both spouses is possibly the simplest solution. Therefore, both of your marriages would be listed on the headstone where you will be buried, as well as the headstone where your wife will be buried if you decide not to be buried together. This is an option for your first wives’ headstones, even if you decide to be buried together somewhere else.
Since you can’t be in two locations at once, some may argue, why would your name be? But there is precedent for this. Some veterans’ graves at Arlington National Cemetery, for example, list spouses who are interred elsewhere. A headstone is a monument that provides a spot for family members to visit and frequently helps historians. In this way, you commemorate the lives you led and the people you loved by memorializing both of your marriages.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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