To Eric, Last month, my spouse and I commemorated our fiftieth wedding anniversary. Our grandchildren and children are amazing. We are really fortunate to be happy and healthy with our wonderful family, despite the challenges we have faced (caring for four elderly parents who are over 29 years old).
People were aware that we were commemorating this milestone thanks to a Facebook post. A couple cards arrived. What we didn’t get, though, was any recognition from our three siblings or their kids.
I have participated in every one of their lives over the years, sending large payments for graduations, engagements, weddings, and babies, and never forgetting to send a note or present on their birthday. This is definitely hurting me. And furious.
I’m not sure how to explain this to them again without making them defensive. Over the years, I’ve made an effort to stay out of conflict.
Absence of Recognition
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: My sister says it s my duty to attend nephew s destination wedding, but I m not inclined to go
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Asking Eric: He s held onto the secret of fathering a child for 50 years. Is now the right time to finally meet his son?
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Asking Eric: I swore I wouldn’t ditch my friend once she had kids. But I’m tired of seeing her only at play dates
To Acknowledge: Congratulations on achieving this significant goal. I’m glad for you and sorry you didn’t receive the congratulations you were hoping for. When speaking to your siblings, try to limit your conversation to I statements. For example, I was hoping to hear from you on my anniversary and was upset when I didn’t. Or I was offended.
Misaligned expectations are a contributing factor in this. No important occasion has ever escaped your notice. That’s your own standard, though. They might not hold themselves to the same standards. This can be a sign of carelessness or indifference, or it might simply be the manner in which they speak. By discussing your feelings with them, you can steer the topic away from what they did wrong and, ideally, toward paving the way for improved connections.
We occasionally have to express to our loved ones how we would like to be loved. Think about telling them how sending cards and presents for their significant occasions makes you feel. Additionally, express your hopes for their feelings. Then, let them know that you share their feelings.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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