To Eric, I’ve been married to my hubby for fifteen years. He has a daughter. When she was eight years old, her mother and he got a bitter divorce. Unfortunately, shortly before my husband and I began dating, at the age of 19, her mother passed away unexpectedly.
She refused to accept our marriage or come to the following celebration of the wedding and her father’s fiftieth birthday. Aside from her nasty taunts, like sharing photos of her former family on social media to commemorate our first anniversary, I was totally ignored. I went to her wedding, but I felt like a social outcast.
She was unresponsive to any attempts to discuss it. I made the decision to give up on attempting to get in touch with her.
After a few years, she and her spouse are expecting a child. She shows up out of the blue for a visit and behaves as though her unpleasant actions had never occurred. It has been difficult, but I made the decision to embrace her and gave it my best.
I’ve come to the realization that I don’t really like her. She is self-centered and cunning, and she only confides in me when she needs something. Over the years, I’ve been the gullible one who lavished her and her family with cash and pricey goods. I spent months nursing her father back to health when he became very ill recently. She never checked in with me and didn’t talk to him very often. This person only likes the benefits; they don’t like me either. Knowing this, I’ve emotionally moved on once more. This endeavor has freed me, but it has also made me feel guilty. Any suggestions?
Dad’s Wife
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To My Wife: There are the relationships you both presently have, the one she wants with you, and the one you would like to have with her. Those don’t seem to line up. You may be feeling guilty because you think that you could have the connection you desire if you had done something differently or had given her more time or patience. That makes sense, but it’s not a given.
Furthermore, it ignores the type of relationship that her behavior suggests she desires.
A discussion on the harm done in the past is one thing I’m missing from this. It is acceptable to remark, “I know you were grieving, but we should talk about some things that weren’t right so we can move on.”
However, you and she must be willing to face vulnerability and the necessary reconstruction. Neither of you seems to be in that situation. Your unfulfilled expectations are mostly what you are being freed from. Recognize that your semi-distant relationship might be the best option for you both at this time. You can keep your mind open to the idea of more, but keep in mind that more takes work on both sides.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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