To Eric, We have three children together and have been married for eleven years. We aim to have one enjoyable activity with the kids every weekend, spend a lot of time together, and eat supper together every night.
Sometimes my wife has arrangements with her friends on a date that coincides with an event with my friends. My friends often say, “Oh, you have to babysit” or “Oh, you have to watch the kids,” when I tell them I can’t make it.
I’m not sure what better words to use, and I’m not sure why the phrase disturbs me so much. I once yelled at the primary offender, “They’re my *bleeping* kids, and I’m not babysitting them!” I’m at a loss for words as well.
I think it’s ridiculous to say that I’m observing my own children. It’s so much fun to spend time with them!
When they say I’m babysitting, I feel like I’m too focused on the words and don’t know how to tell them how I really feel. Have any suggestions?
Dad, my kids
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To my father: That the phrasing irritates you makes sense. They are your children, and your friends’ comments about you spending time with them reveal a significant shift in their parenting philosophies.
You are not a babysitter; you are a parent. It chafes because it minimizes what you do and how you choose to spend your time when your pals act like this is merely an after-school activity that prevents you from having fun with the guys. (Also, not so subtly, implying that your wife is responsible for the children.)
I feel bad for their family because they might never truly understand. But try telling them that when you say, “I’m babysitting my kids,” that annoys me. I don’t see it that way. Sometimes I consciously prefer to be with them rather than you because I value spending time with them so much.
Additionally, you can alter the manner you justify missed plans. You may say, “We have family plans; I’ll see you next time,” rather than, “Your wife has conflicting plans.” Or just because I’m busy. since you are. busy as a father.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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