To Eric, After having a breakdown a few years ago, a friend of mine has battled mental health problems. She is taking medicine and has a diagnosis. Although she is advised against drinking alcohol while taking the medication, she persists in doing so in spite of her friends’ and family’s worries.
Although she doesn’t drink much, she does occasionally have a cocktail. She is obviously not on the right track and is also rather melancholy.
I am aware that only she has the power to decide to get healthier. Watching her suffer is difficult, and it’s distressing to know that she could take action but chooses not to.
Although I care about her and consider her a friend, I don’t think I can continue to see this happen. Should I break off the friendship? Do I express my feelings to her even though I know she would react badly? Should I take no action?
Angry Friend
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: I get annoyed when my wife interrupts what we re doing to answer her cell phone
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Asking Eric: Friends we met on a cruise treat our Florida home as a vacation getaway
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Asking Eric: We re worried about elderly mom, with cognitive decline, who insists on frequent global travel
To My Friend: Remain in her life, but establish healthy limits. You can let her know that being around her hurts and that some of her actions are dangerous. Hold your stance and assure her that you will support her once she calms down if she reacts badly. She must accept the extended hand and make sure it isn’t a wagging finger that is reprimanding her.
It’s true that she alone has the power to decide to change. However, you can contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association (samhsa.gov) to look into resources for helping her and guiding her toward recovery.
It is not necessary to agree with everything your friend does in order to be a good friend. Calling us out on risky conduct or voicing concern about harmful behaviors might sometimes be the best thing a friend can do. Consider what you need in order to relate to her and feel secure in this friendship. That will prevent you from becoming overly involved while still giving her a contact number to call when she’s ready to ask for assistance.For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
