To Eric, My well-mannered and courteous husband and I have a persistent argument. He lets me through the entrance of the elevator or restaurant when we arrive together, and then he keeps it open so that at least two or three individuals, and occasionally big groups of people, can enter before him.
After that, he follows them, but I am well ahead of him. As a result, I frequently move forward and wait or stand off to the side.
For instance, I frequently wait at a restaurant’s hostess stand for a bit while he travels to the same spot. I’d like to stand by him when we walk inside a venue. In these circumstances, waiting for him also feels awkward. Should he move forward with his wife so we may enter together, or should he hold the elevator door open for strangers out of courtesy?
Etiquette
Respected Manners: Because of his great politeness, he has ended up being rude to you. It’s unclear how far he’ll go with this. One eventually stops being a random kind guy and starts working as a volunteer doorman at a restaurant.
You can refuse to go in without him, stand next to him while he holds the door, and you two might work as doormen at restaurants together if he won’t quit holding the door for groups of people who are following you. Maybe this gesture of civil solidarity will teach him the value of moderation.
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To Eric, At a nearby Barnes & Noble, I play Mahjong with senior adults on a weekly basis. Our company needed two tables one day, and one of them had items on it and a backpack on the floor, and no one was there. Since we needed that particular size table and there were a lot of other tables nearby, I relocated it to the table directly next to it.
I said, “Sorry to move your stuff, but we needed this table, and you were nowhere around,” when the young man eventually returned. Then he told me that touching his belongings was impolite. I wonder whether I was mistaken because several of the women agreed with him.
According to my perspective, however, you cannot expect someone to save a table and then go about for an hour expecting no one to want it. Additionally, I have frequently arrived early, reserved a table, and never left my belongings there in the hopes that no one would move them if they needed the table. What are your thoughts?
Rules for Playing the Game
Respected Rules: You shouldn’t have handled someone else’s property, in my opinion. In terms of sitting, coffee shops, bookstores, and gathering places can be catch-as-catch-can. Generally speaking, however, if your belongings are on the table, it indicates that you plan to return to them in the same location. His need was more important than yours for the table. Asking him to move and using a different table until he came back would have been preferable.
However, it is impolite of him to camp out on a table if he was truly gone for an hour. Everyone in this room had the opportunity to make a more thoughtful, collective decision.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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