To Eric, When someone shows little desire in keeping up an adult friendship, how can you stay friends with them?
A few years ago, my best friend from high school, who has been with me for over 20 years, had children. Despite their youth, the children have outgrown the baby period. Despite my friend’s persistent requests to hang out, she never offers anything that isn’t entirely kid-oriented. Consider inviting me over to play with the children in the playroom, watching their children play soccer, or having story time at the library.
My friend does not want to spend any time away from the family, therefore I have proposed that we meet for supper after work or coffee before work. I’ve read stories over the years about folks who say that after having children, their pals vanished. I always vowed never to do that, but now I understand that there might be more to the story.
I know it seems self-centered, but I don’t love spending hours on a Saturday with your children. To have a discourse, I need tools. How do I discuss this with my friend?
Time to Grow Up
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: Couple worries about leaving granddaughter with their brain-injured son who has temper issues
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Asking Eric: Is grandma trying to be funny when she tells her children she loves the new baby better than them?
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Asking Eric: How do I tell my negative Nancy friend I’m not up for being her therapist?
To Time: Is it accurate for you to write that your friend isn’t keeping up an adult friendship? In order to include you in the new rhythms of life, your friend is extending an invitation to do activities together. That’s upkeep. In the playroom, you can also have an adult friendship.
In a way that suits them, your friend is putting friendship and family life first. The first thing you should talk to yourself is whether you can accept this.
I don’t mean to come out as overly harsh, love. What you’re saying makes sense. There are occasions when you want to talk without using profanity. However, reality must be accepted. A direct question like “I love your kids, but I’ve been hoping for one-on-one time” might work.
Even if you disagree with the solution, it’s crucial to respect it if it doesn’t exist yet.
Your pal might not have the stamina to attend non-family gatherings. Additionally, if soccer isn’t your favorite weekend activity, you don’t have to spend hours at a practice. Thus, I support innovation, adaptability, and empathy. Consider what you can contribute to this connection and what you truly need from it, then use it as the foundation for your request.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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