To Eric, My husband was involved in an automobile accident that changed his life about ten years ago. He developed neurological problems as a result, some of which persist today.
Because of the neurological trauma, he was unable to express to me the depths of his emotional suffering and frustrations. Instead of demonstrating empathy, I became a harpy who was constantly asking him why he was always sleeping when I got home from work and why he hadn’t unloaded the dishwasher.
My husband has expressed his (justifiable) hurt and dissatisfaction with my treatment of him in the year following the accident in a number of candid, heart-to-heart conversations over the last three years. He said he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to forgive me.
I have repeatedly apologized to him for my horrible actions, and I have had to confront my own inner problems and fears. He acknowledges that I’m making an effort to improve myself, but he has said that people don’t change and is concerned that I won’t be more forgiving of him in the future.
My husband has requested that we both attempt to avoid making things difficult between us while we work things out and carry on with our regular lives of work, family, and simple pleasures. He claimed that even though he wasn’t sure if he loved me, he would always adore me. I have no faith that he will remain in our union. He won’t go to counseling, but I’m thinking of doing it myself. Would you kindly offer an other perspective on this matter?
At a Crossroads
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
-
Asking Eric: It irks me when my friends label time spent with my kids as babysitting
-
Asking Eric: My husband s brother blatantly stole from family s estate. Why does he want to reconcile?
-
Asking Eric: Restaurant regular annoyed by server’s attempt to guess his order
To Crossroads, The best course of action is to seek personal counseling. Speaking with someone outside of your marriage about your feelings of hopelessness and your acknowledged guilt over your previous actions will be beneficial.
Just as crucial as your husband’s forgiveness is the assistance of a therapist in helping you forgive yourself for the unintentional pain. The past doesn’t change, but people do. However, one of the most effective tools on the road to recovery is altering our connection with the past.
Regretfully, I don’t believe that your husband’s plan is the greatest one. In addition to the pain he experienced from the accident, he is also coping with the trauma of feeling abandoned by a loved one. He should get help because that’s a lot to handle. Additionally, you will need to be able to communicate with each other regardless of what the future holds for your marriage. That doesn’t seem like it’s really feasible at this time. See if he’ll think about speaking to someone on his own if he refuses to attend counseling with you.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
Note: Every piece of content is rigorously reviewed by our team of experienced writers and editors to ensure its accuracy. Our writers use credible sources and adhere to strict fact-checking protocols to verify all claims and data before publication. If an error is identified, we promptly correct it and strive for transparency in all updates, feel free to reach out to us via email. We appreciate your trust and support!
