To Eric, I gave my new boyfriend permission to live with me.
I thought this would be great because I have been widowed for six years.
He has expressed his gratitude that I entered his life, although he has some problems as a result of having to leave a prior relationship.
He can be really negative and occasionally resents my grown children being around me, so I suppose that’s my problem.
He claims that he would most likely be dead or living in his car. He does have some family, but they are not really close to him. I think it would be better to be somewhat alone now that I have lost some of my freedom.
Experiencing Remorse
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: Woman mired in anticipatory grief fears what will become of her when loved ones are gone
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Asking Eric: Retired dental hygienist suggests hesitant patient ask more questions
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Asking Eric: Retired couple squabbles about grocery bill that’s not exactly an even split
To My Regrets: It’s a warning sign if you resent having children around. His actions seem deceptive to me, especially when combined with his negativity and remarks about what would have happened if you hadn’t allowed him to move in.
I fear that he is acting in this way on a regular basis. You ought to consider whether this individual is exploiting you and your partnership. At best, he isn’t qualified to be a decent boyfriend if he isn’t fostering a happy, generative environment in your now-shared house and is attempting to drive your children away. He’s attempting to isolate you, at worst.
Telling him that this arrangement isn’t working out and that he needs to find new plans is still possible. Even though he might mention the automobile or the ditch, your experience is still valid. And he doesn’t have to live with them. He can and ought to be accountable for his living circumstances. If you are able, you can assist him in considering his options, but you are not limited because he is in a difficult situation.
If he is as grateful as he claims to be, maybe this talk will inspire him to change and make restitution. But before he’s ready to be in a relationship with you, it sounds like he has to work on himself. Don’t be scared to ask a friend or your children for help if you need it during the talk.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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