To Eric, We only get to see my brother-in-law once a year because he lives in a different state. He enjoys cooking and spends a lot of time and energy making delicious meals for us. I can’t eat as much as he believes I should, which is the issue.
I eat two meals a day with my spouse. Every day, his brother prepares three substantial meals for us. I take modest servings of everything because I am a small person and just cannot consume all that food. He also continuously complains that I don’t eat enough and that I must not be eating more since I don’t enjoy the food. I always assure him the meal is typically good.
Because of this continual harassment, I hate going there. He became so upset that I didn’t eat more food on our most recent visit that he yelled at me to be critical. I was taken aback. I informed my husband that I would never return, but he believes that I should just move on from the incident because his brother is the only close relative he still has. Since he has been doing it for ten years, I am certain that he will continue to do it if I return. Because he doesn’t want to endanger their relationship, my husband has never confronted him.
I’m tired.
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To Fed Up: Set your foot firmly and set down your fork. Your brother-in-law’s hospitality is a kind gesture, but his sour attitude ruins it all. With someone shouting at them, how is anyone supposed to enjoy their meal?
You’re correct to want to stop putting yourself through that. At first glance, your brother-in-law seemed like an excessively excited host who was letting his passion for food and his nervousness about serving it properly run amok over the table. In the end, though, this conduct comes across as more dominating than anything else.
Tell your husband that you cannot put up with this behavior. You do not simply need to forget it. You are not required to consume anything you do not want to, including crow. He can discuss the terrible reactions with his brother if he is determined to return. The brothers’ relationship seems dysfunctional as well, so your spouse could find this request difficult, but it’s crucial. Yes, you can tolerate one uncomfortable visit per year, but this is more than just smiling and putting up with it.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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