To Eric, There are friends of mine and my husband that gripe about everything.
They won’t go to the movie because of the poor speaker system; they grumble about every meal they eat out; the bed in our mountain house was too high; and the food I served wasn’t hot enough. It goes on and on.
Dropping them is difficult because we are in various groups with them and they are our neighbors.
The woman inquired why we don’t see each other as frequently and if I still liked her. We enjoy different theaters and restaurants, I retorted. They seem to have high standards, I said.
Many couples have broken up with them, and they don’t know why, she said.
Being more detailed makes me uneasy because I believe I have already handled the matter as courteously and honestly as possible. Additionally, I don’t think it’s my responsibility to try to identify or resolve their problems with other people. I’m at a loss for words to express to them how disrespectful they are to us. I want to steer clear of any more inquiries concerning our lack of engagement with them. Can we simply stop working with them, or do you think we need to address this further? Or simply disregard their grievances?
Department of Complaints
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: Do I have to tell people I m wearing a wig when they compliment me on my hair?
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Asking Eric: We d like to opt out of dinner at friends’ home knowing antisocial adult daughter will be there
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Asking Eric: My friends’ daughter s addiction, narcissistic behavior is taking a toll on their lives
To the Department: They are very close to discovering that their own homes are the main source of complaints. However, they are unlikely to succeed until someone explicitly explains it to them. Being courteous and backing off won’t help either of you or them, but it doesn’t have to be you.
You have high standards, which can be interpreted as positive, and you blame everyone else’s poor standards for the issue. However, a lot of what you say comes out as complaints, which is true.
Though they may not be aware of it, your buddies are aware that something is wrong. One could interpret the woman’s inquiry about whether you still like her as an earnest effort to determine the nature of your relationship’s problems. You would be giving her the chance to improve if you told her about your experiences and how they affect your relationship.
Of course, this is not your job. But it’s the only way to go if you want to be her friend at all (huge if). Consider it an act of requesting what you require. You can let her know that you’d like to be in a different relationship. She is then responsible for completing the task. without any grievances.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.