To Eric, A lovely friend and I are in an embarrassing circumstance. She is always talking.
We recently traveled forty minutes to attend an event. I was excited to catch up, laugh, and have a chat. That’s a far cry from what actually happened. She was constantly talking about how she wished she had done something different while designing her pantry. She showed me the locations of all the appliances and culinary utensils in her kitchen. She talked endlessly. I was unable to speak.
It was the same routine on the way home. She mentioned all of the stories, characters, and storylines of the books she had lately read in her argument. It was incredibly tedious, grating, and draining. I was eager to get rid of her.
As a reader of your column, I frequently ponder why authors who seek guidance don’t simply discuss the matter at hand. Speak with your boss, child, partner, etc. Okay, I understand now. It’s not quite as simple as it seems. I’m attempting to determine the best course of action for what is probably a neurotic personality disorder. I don’t want to break her spirit in any way. Any ideas?
Silence
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R. Eric Thomas
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To Quiet: Could it be that your friend was just as eager to see you as you were to see her? That enthusiasm probably bubbled over into an overly fervent tirade. There is no crime there.
You might want to be more firm when interrupting and lower your expectations the next time you’re together. When someone calls for a conversational timeout, chatty folks usually recognize they’re chatty and won’t become upset.
Here are a few non-spirit-crushing interjections:
Put that idea on hold.
Can we take a moment to slow down the conversation? I have to catch up.
That makes me think of a fantastic tale. Would you mind if I shared it with you for a moment?
Raise a red flag in a text or other format that prevents interruptions if this is a new personality trait. Instead of framing it as a complaint, frame it as a worry. As you indicated, her talkativeness might be associated with a mental health issue. However, I would advise against pathologizing it just yet. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders does not list coming across as bothersome to one’s friends as a diagnosis.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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