To Eric, The first grandchild on both sides of the family and the first child for my brother and his wife were just born. I adore the baby and am thrilled to be an aunt. My mother feels the same way, but she constantly saying things to my brother and me that we are both growing weary of.
I adore the baby more than you two (my kids), she has stated several times.
I believe she was attempting to be humorous the first time. Still, it was painful. Every time there is a gathering with the infant, she keeps saying it, and I can even see my brother wearing an angry expression.
I am unable to speak since my father has accused me of being conceited and self-centered whenever I have spoken my opinions. My mother will simply ask, “Why is everyone on my ass tonight?” My brother and I are sick of this backhanded compliment, and I’m not sure how to handle it. I don’t want to start any arguments.
Second Position
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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To Second Place: Considering that you made a valid request to avoid being triangulated with the baby, your father’s tone of voice was extremely harsh. This joke hurts you more deeply since it implies that there is a pattern of hurtful remarks being directed at you.
If that’s the case, you should consider the aspects of your relationship with your parents that don’t work for you and discuss them separately. To avoid getting distracted by arguments about the baby comment, you might even want to work on this with a therapist beforehand.
Your brother telling your mother, “I don’t like when you talk about my child that way,” is probably going to have a greater impact than you objecting. Once more, though, it appears that this stems from a poisonous family dynamic. Love is abundant enough for everyone. It is advisable to establish a boundary with them on their communication style if they are unable to convey that without disparaging you.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas [email protected] P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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