To Annie, please: My sister-in-law is extremely narcissistic and toxic. My spouse and his brother, who are her siblings, feel compelled to maintain communication with her despite the years of horrible family issues she has caused. I had hoped that we could further limit this contact now that their parents are no longer with us.Since our daughter is getting married, the problem has gotten worse. I completely support her decision to not invite her aunt or cousins because of their prior treatment of her. But I’m aware that this will irritate my spouse, who might insist on their inclusion out of duty to the family.How can I resolve this without creating needless family strife and while honoring my daughter’s wishes? — TornTo the Conflicted: It’s your daughter’s wedding, so her desires should come first. Tell your husband that the purpose of excluding his sister is to make sure your daughter has a good, stress-free occasion and not to cause harm to anyone.To preserve some degree of family ties without interfering with the festivities, advise your spouse to speak with his sister about the issue separately, perhaps before or after the wedding. Emphasize that this is about promoting your daughter’s pleasure and concentrate on having calm, straightforward conversations.
To Annie, please: Your recommendation of Al-Anon to your readers who are dealing with the terrible consequences of drinking is greatly appreciated. For me, this program has been a lifeline, providing a secure environment to sort through the uncertainty, suffering, and powerlessness that frequently accompany caring for someone who has alcoholism. Al-Anon aims to change the way we live, think, and love—it’s not simply about coping.I put a lot of effort into attempting to control the uncontrollable before I joined Al-Anon. I thought that my happiness depended on my loved one’s sobriety, so I tried desperately to help them. It was heartbreaking and draining. I was gently educated by the program that my happiness, tranquility, and peace are independent of the decisions made by others. Rather, they originate from within me.I’ve gained the ability to let go of anger, irrational expectations, and the delusion of control thanks to Al-Anon’s knowledge. Whether or not my loved one is an alcoholic, I’ve discovered a new kind of love that is based on respect and compassion. That’s not to say it’s always simple, but it does mean that I have the resources I need to get through the challenging times without losing who I am.The peace of mind I’ve had is incalculable. Despite the chaos and uncertainty around me, it has enabled me to find joy in my own life. I’ve discovered how to rely on a group of people who genuinely get what it’s like to walk this journey and to have faith in something bigger than myself. I will always be appreciative to Al-Anon. I highly recommend it if you’re having trouble. There is a way to achieve peace, and you are not alone. — Adoration Al-AnonTo My Darling: I appreciate your kind letter. As you are aware, I frequently advocate Al-Anon, so I’m delighted you found so much comfort, freedom, and perspective there. You and they are both fantastic! Once again, I appreciate your writing.
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