To Annie, please: Without understanding my side of the story, my brother frequently calls to accuse me of being the cause of our tense relationship with our sister. I still send her birthday cards, Christmas presents, and other greetings, but she never responds and I keep my distance from her for my own peace of mind.My sister appears to be an expert in her field as a school counselor. What my brother doesn t know are the betrayals I ve endured from her over the years: She once had a relationship with my boyfriend, accessed my bank account and stole items from my home.In spite of everything, she has mastered the innocent victim part, and my brother is totally engrossed in it. Because of their strong relationship, he can easily blame me for the rift.We’re all elderly now, and I find his incessant blaming to be a major source of stress. What should I do about this? — Sister Left Out by Choice
To My Sister Who Was Left Out: Maybe it’s time to talk to your brother honestly and establish some ground rules. Set limits on what he can discuss with you and let him know that you won’t put up with him talking to you in that manner. In order to maintain harmony with your brother, you should agree not to bring up your sister in any interactions with him. This is because your relationship with your sister is distinct from your relationship with him.You can choose whether or not to inform your brother about the betrayals. But consider whether you’ve ever talked to your sister since she caused you pain. Would you be willing to accept her apology if she ever offered one? All of these should be taken into account while determining your next course of action. I wish you luck.
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