To Eric, Before Dick took over as executor of their parents’ estate last year, my husband Tom and I had a good relationship with his brother. He was supposed to liquidate it and divide it with Tom, but instead he paid himself more than $100,000 in secret for the first year—more than twice the amount that was permitted.
Furthermore, he hasn’t even made an effort to sell the estate.
Without informing Tom that he had received a purchase offer for $180,000, he made an offer to acquire his portion of a rental property for $11,000. By claiming benefits to which he was not entitled, he committed perjury. And a lot more.
In an effort to maintain their relationship, my kind, forgiving, and trusting husband offered to sell Dick his half of the estate at a steep discount. Dick maintained that the house’s value was 40% lower than what the county assessor, two appraisals, and the sale of a comparable house had found.
Tom feels primarily heartbroken, but he is also shocked and indignant. He is forced to remove Dick as executor in order to retrieve the money that was stolen. Tom feels bad, and Dick is furious. He wants to make amends since he loves his sibling. Dick’s deception has me fuming with rage. If I believe my husband would be better off without that snake, how can I help him?
Scamming of Estates
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R. Eric Thomas
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Dear Estate: Dick is exactly looking for Tom’s guilt feelings. Dick protected himself from Tom’s inspection by using an emotionally manipulative connection that was likely developed over decades to steal openly from the estate to which they both had a right. Even though Tom is unlikely to feel entirely at peace with his current course of action, it is the proper one, and it is commendable that he has enlisted legal counsel.
Continue to support Tom’s judgment. Remind him that his brother has backed him into a corner and that the law is on his side. Offer to accompany Tom to appointments with an estate lawyer if you are able. Having someone to help you make decisions, take notes, or ask questions is helpful in emotionally charged situations like these.
Tom has more time and space to process Dick’s identity and actions when he concentrates on the current work of settling the inheritance.
There’s no need in arguing with Tom about it if he still wants to make amends. There will always be complexity in the connection between two brothers. Listening to a loved one and reflecting back to them what you hear can sometimes be the finest way to help them.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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