To Eric, I have a very bashful granddaughter. Her younger brother, who is somewhat
It’s not precocious. Therefore, he usually steals the show.
As a grandma, I’m constantly concerned about going too far and don’t know how to assist foster confidence. Any guidance or advise would be greatly appreciated.
The Grandmother of Wallflower
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To my grandmother: You have a fantastic opportunity to begin developing a unique bond with your granddaughter. When someone, especially a loved one, meets us there and accepts us for who we are, it always helps. Therefore, it is a gift that you are able to see your granddaughter’s shyness and see the opportunity to make her feel seen in a way that is positive for her.
Consider organizing special events or simply little things for the two of you to do when you visit her. See if you may be invited in instead of trying to get her to come out of her shell.
Discuss with her parents what interests her and how you may be of assistance to her. Hopefully, this is interpreted as a grandparent’s sincere wish to get to know her grandchild rather than a criticism of their parenting or their daughter. However, pay attention to how the conversations go so that there are no misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
Being a bookish child who preferred to sit on the edge of a room, I always valued the older family members who would inquire What are you reading, please? I always recall that they asked, even though I didn’t always have much to say.
You can help your granddaughter regain confidence by demonstrating your respect for her shyness and letting her know that you value her as an adult, regardless of whether she takes center stage or waits in the wings.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
