To Annie, please: For his age, my hubby has always appeared elderly. I took care of the house for years while he worked full-time, but I expected him to help out more with chores after he retired. Our greatest cause of conflict now stems from that expectation. I feel like he holds me back because he finds it difficult to keep up with my energy.
I’ve become resentful. I find myself wanting some alone time and space, and occasionally I even send him to the shop so I can get some alone time.
He is a gaslighter and a narcissist, which is why we never really got into arguments. To protect the peace, I kept quiet. He committed a serious error years ago, and although I first held myself accountable, I eventually came to the conclusion that I wasn’t to blame. I insisted on counseling even though I offered him the choice to stay or go. He declined, unwilling to take responsibility. Fifteen years later, I sincerely regret that we never went to therapy.
I’ve surrounded my heart with barriers over the years. Even while I still adore him, I am aware that things will never be the same again. I’m approaching 70 and he’s getting close to 80. It hurts to think of what may have been when I look back on our relationship and realize all the mistakes I made.
How can I help others, particularly younger couples, deal with these kinds of issues before it’s too late, Annie? And after all these years, is it ever too late for a couple like us to discover harmony, understanding, or even healing? — Wife Leaving
It’s never too late to find serenity, dear wife moving out. Healing might not entail making things right, but it might entail finding understanding and letting go of grudges. To process your emotions, think about getting individual counseling. Or, if it feels right, think about having an open discussion with your husband. Prioritizing the time and space you require for your wellbeing is also acceptable.
After everything you’ve done for others, it’s time to concentrate on what makes you happy and fulfilled. As you proceed, I hope you find healing and clarity.
To Annie, please: I have firsthand knowledge of the anguish of being apart from a grandchild, particularly an only grandchild. This type of heartbreak is distinct.
I’ve had the good fortune to periodically adore and swoon over a great-niece. I would feel completely empty without her. I strongly advise anyone in a similar circumstance to find other children to love and care for. I’ve discovered amazing options throughout the years for volunteers who work with children, like programs that allow adults to rock babies in hospital environments. I found many hospital systems in my area that had programs to calm and cuddle newborns in need after conducting a fast Google search for volunteer baby cuddlers.
Opportunities to help families with children are also provided by other groups, such as pregnancy crisis centers or baby pantries. It might even be possible to volunteer at a church nursery, if someone is already well-established in that community.
These paths can be quite rewarding and contribute to meaningfully bridging the gap. I hope that others who are having a hard time connecting with their grandchildren will find inspiration in this advise. — Depressing
To Melancholy, These are excellent recommendations. I appreciate you sharing.
For Annie Lane, send inquiries to [email protected].
The 2023Creators.com copyright
