To Eric, There are quite a few friend groups that my wife and I belong to. We love getting together with all the groups, especially for dinners out. However, just a couple or two of the couples approach us as frequently as we do.
Although they appear to go out frequently with other mutual friends, most of the other couples only seem to go out with us when we ask them to.
Although we are positive that they enjoy our company just as much as we do, and they gladly accept our invitations when they are offered, we believe that unless we make the first move, we will never hear from them. We’re inclined to constructively confront some of the couples (one or two of them) about this one-sidedness, but I don’t think we’re insecure. Should we ignore it and wait forever for them to ask us out, or is there a tactful way to handle this?
Socially Confused
Stories by
R. Eric Thomas
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Asking Eric: My partner uses the last of something, won t replace it. I literally can NOT take this anymore
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Asking Eric: My friends in their 70s all experience memory lapses, but some are more concerning
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Asking Eric: Is pseudo-grandpa looking to steal his wife s joy?
To the Perplexed: Simple yet direct: We enjoy spending time with you, and it would be really appreciated if you made plans to talk to us next time.
Some folks simply don’t take the initiative. Other times, friends may develop habits that stress one party. They might consider you the de facto planners if you’re continually taking the initiative, therefore they might not think to take the initiative themselves. Even if you have to start the conversation in the first place, you may still be coached to be proactive.
To Eric, To the annoyance of Manners, whose husband opens the door for everyone, there is an alternative. For my wife and everyone else in our party, I also hold the door. But after we’re done, I’ll enter the room, leaving the door open behind me for a few seconds so the next group can come in. The most important thing is to avoid being rude to those behind us by letting the door close in their faces.
Another Door Holder
To the Door Holder: It’s a sophisticated solution that I hope many people use. This helps the husband be polite to others and enables the letter writer and her husband to remain together while entering.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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