Greetings, Abby Thirteen years ago, my sixty-year-old best friend lost her husband. She has a successful son who keeps busy with his young family. They make an effort to invite her to different family events, but she always finds a reason not to go, such as not liking their friends or not being able to drive at night.In actuality, she begins drinking at 2:00 pm and begins sending me hurtful, offensive texts by 4:00 pm. I’ve tried shutting off my phone, ignoring them, and not answering. I am aware that she is lonely, but she refuses to accept responsibility for her own behavior and places the blame on everyone else.I love her, but I’m at my breaking point. She merely chuckles when I bring this up to her. She then hurls it back in my face that same day after having a few glasses of wine. Tell me, please. — IN ARIZONA, OVER IT
Stories by
Abigail Van Buren
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Dear Abby: Great-aunt isn’t keen to take on responsibility for nephew she didn’t even know existed
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Dear Abby: Introvert is done being unpaid maid, cook for boyfriend s countless BBQ parties
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Dear Abby: How can I help my friend mend fences with daughter who won t let go of her grievances?
OVER IT, DEAR: You ought to be aware by now that, despite your best efforts, you are powerless to change your closest friend’s problems. That is only possible if she finally acknowledges that she has turned into an alcoholic and makes a commitment to change. She will continue to abuse you and herself as long as you put up with it.Make it clear that you will no longer tolerate her hurting you and that you don’t want to interact with her again until she shows that she is addressing her drinking issue. After that, take a step back and stop talking to her. You don’t have to put up with it; friends don’t treat their best friends the same way you do.
Abigail Van Buren, better known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby. Her mother, Pauline Phillips, began the company. For more information, visit www.DearAbby.com or send an email to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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