Greetings, Miss Manners When I was in college, I worked a summer job an hour away from my family’s house, and a friend’s family kindly let me stay in their house for a few months.
At the conclusion of the summer, I gave them what I could afford from my salary in appreciation for their generosity, and I tried my best to treat their house with the same care as my parents’.
I was eating some garden tomatoes that the lady of the home had brought over for dinner one evening. “Uh-oh!” she said, interrupting the meal loudly but with a smile that was meant to lessen the damage. It appears that someone was not taught how to use a knife and fork to eat their tomatoes!
For a brief while, I was perplexed because I had not been taught this and was unaware that it was anticipated. I complied right away, and I’ve been eating tomatoes correctly ever since. I am certain that her guidance was appropriate, and I gained important knowledge about proper behavior.
I can only image how horrified she must have been by my rude behavior before that night, and how she must have responded to it. Hopefully, my expression told her that I didn’t act carelessly, but rather out of ignorance.
Since I cherish the life lesson but also recall the humiliation, how should I respond if my kids’ peers experience anything similar?
Stories by
Judith Martin
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Miss Manners: I know correcting my friend is rude, but how do I avoid being a party to her rudeness?
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Miss Manners: She severed ties with her siblings. Is her son s wedding invitation an olive branch, or a trick?
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Miss Manners: Should we warn visiting BIL that our kids will be up early Christmas morning?
PERSONAL READER: As helpful as the lesson may have been, Miss Manners serves as a reminder that it is generally considered impolite to correct someone else’s manners.
The exception for parents and those acting in their place was being used by your friend’s mother. However, it was a stretch to apply it to a college-age person, and it was not quite as polite as you now describe it to be to do so in front of the family.
It is better to limit your teaching to serious offenses and those you believe will be well accepted, and to deliver it later and in private.
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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