Greetings, Abby I spent thirteen years with my ex-fiance. I ended up meeting him at a hotel shortly after he ended our relationship. At least once a week, we have been meeting up frequently. Like we’re dating, we go out and have a great time together.He doesn’t want to tell me where he lives, which is frustrating. He claims that having his own area is comforting. A year and a half has passed since our split. Every time I inquire about our circumstances, he claims he is unsure of his desires.All of the things he does for me show he loves and cares about me. It feels like we are in this weird limbo, almost like he s stringing me along because he doesn t say if he ever wants to get back together. He says, Why can t you just enjoy what we re doing? I want to have a better relationship with him than we did before.We were in a bad place before, and I didn t treat him well. I was going through things and took it out on him. In our time apart, no longer being a couple, I have worked on myself to become a happier and healthier person and have gotten my life in order. I love him very much, and I am hoping for more. Any advice? — SITUATIONSHIP IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SITUATIONSHIP: When a person is secretive, they usually have something to hide. Because your not-quite-ex refuses to give you his address (after a year and a half!), it s likely he has someone living there with him. Before your engagement ended, you demonstrated that you could be abusive when you were stressed. That he doesn t want to risk another round of that is understandable.From what you have written, he s enjoying things just the way they are. He doesn t WANT more. Because you do, you will have to find someone who can give you the future you re looking for.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby atwww.DearAbby.comor P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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