To Eric, My spouse and I are elderly members of a big, mixed family. When we were younger and both working, we covered all expenses whenever our blended family gathered. The size of the family increased with time.
The expectations appear to be unaffected by the fact that we are retired. Every time the group gets together for a meal, an excursion, or even just shopping, we wind up footing the bill.
Our adult children are between the ages of thirty and fifty. Some are even grandparents, and the majority are parents themselves.
We acknowledge that this tendency is primarily our fault. At the very least, we hope someone will offer to support their own family. That hasn’t occurred yet. Our desire to gather with them as a group has been hampered by the fact that it is anticipated and taken for granted.
They occasionally even invite others to join the group because they believe we are paying. Until the bill is delivered to us again, we enjoy our time with them. Not even one person offers to tip.
How do we defy this assumption after thirty-five years?
Weary of Paying the Bill
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To Bill, Your adult children may believe that you wish to always pay if it has been going on for 35 years.
Yes, I find it hard to understand why, especially as adults, none of your children have ever picked out a card in the past 35 years. It’s polite behavior. However, since they haven’t, you ought to express your desire for them to.
In an ideal world, our loved ones would always be aware of our needs and be able to predict them, but in reality, we occasionally need to let them know. It might be enough to say something like, “We’d love to go out to dinner, but it would be wonderful if someone else can pay.” You have a choice to make if they all say no and it’s not due to a lack of funds. You may either find free methods to spend time together as a family or continue to pay for it for the sake of being together.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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