The advice column Dear Annie is written by Annie Lane.Publishers of Creators
To Annie, please: On December 2, my spouse and I will celebrate 47 years of marriage. My heart is torn because, despite having acute promyelocytic leukemia (APL) in remission for two years, I still have a lot of health issues from the arsenic chemotherapy I received for more than two years.I have the most terrible memory problems. I have lost portion of my long-term memory and all of my short-term memory. I ask my spouse and daughter a lot of the same questions. I also repeat things repeatedly. In particular, my husband yells at me to stop talking because he doesn’t want to listen to me ask the same questions over and over again and then hear them five minutes later. According to my doctors, it’s just the long-term effects of the chemotherapy. Nothing needs to be fixed.I can’t even talk in my own house, which breaks my heart. I’ve become reserved and quiet, frightened to speak up. I spend my day taking care of my usual tasks and responding to any inquiries from my daughter or husband, but that’s about it. Since I am not permitted to speak in any case, I may as well have lost my voice. My therapist is sympathetic and assures me that I am not to blame for any of this. I didn’t request this. However, it doesn’t alter my life’s reality. I’d be grateful for any recommendations you might provide. Anguished Cancer Survivor
To My Heartbroken: I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Your family and home should be places of solace rather than anxiety and rejection.You must be upfront and honest with your husband about how you’re feeling if you want anything to change. It’s worthwhile to inquire whether your therapist may recommend a couples counselor who can see you both for a few sessions. Through a local support group, you may also be able to connect with people who are similar to you and who are aware of the tremendous challenges that your illness poses for you and you alone. I completely agree with your therapist that you deserve to be heard and be allowed to live in your own house, that none of this is your fault, and that the way your husband is treating you is unacceptable.
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