To Eric, I’m a lady in a new relationship with a wonderful man who doesn’t seem to comprehend a problem I’ve pointed up to him. I’ve noticed lately that I feel degraded when he looks at other ladies in front of me. After listening, he declared that he fully understood.
Given my age (58) and the likelihood that this issue will result in the breakdown of our relationship, I didn’t have the guts to pursue it further, which is absurd. He frequently strikes up a polite conversation with the most attractive woman in his immediate neighborhood, who is frequently his own daughter’s age.
He doesn’t engage with any men in this manner, and I have definitely observed that he is more interested in younger ladies. There is a difference between being merely friendly and being too friendly, particularly when there is a pattern that appears to indicate a predilection for younger, attractive women.
I believe that when someone brings this up in a relationship, we penalize them, especially women, and everyone quickly labels the accuser as domineering, insecure, and envious. My annoyance stems from the possibility that I’m mistaken and that I’m focusing more on his interactions with younger ladies.
Not sure
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To the Uncertain: You feel less appreciated when you see him flirting, even if he thinks it’s harmless. It’s dangerous to be in that situation. Please treat oneself with kindness; it’s not absurd that it’s difficult to express completely.
It is not a weakness to feel insecure. It’s frequently an indication of an unfulfilled emotional or psychological desire. Feeling genuinely noticed, valued, and admired by your mate may be what you need. Thus, a growing edge in your connection is a component of this.
When you brought up the issue, he claimed to understand it, but did he figure out how to change his conduct or its effects? You should go over that portion of the talk again.
The energy and attention he is giving you are just as much a part of this as the other women. It’s not controlling for you to push for love if you’re not experiencing it the way you desire. You’re still getting to know one another because this is a new relationship. One of the fundamental components of healthy romantic relationships is the ability to express needs and boundaries and to respect them in our partners.
Now, based on your letter, I’m not sure if his flirtation is lecherous. If so, you should reconsider whether this amazing man is the perfect person for you.
For inquiries, contact R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com and follow him on Instagram.
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