To Lizzy,
For background, my coworker, a Boomer lady who is white, has used the most offensive racist epithet twice at work. That one, indeed. It’s not as though she’s aiming this word at anyone because she used it when citing someone, but it still seems awkward to hear it said aloud.
I forgive myself for being completely stunned into silence when she originally stated it. However, the second time? I ought to have been ready. What should I do then? Should I pull her aside and inform her that she is never allowed to utter that word again, under any circumstances? Should I inform HR?
Since I believe this is important, I am a white woman who works on the same level as her, albeit one generation younger. Assist!
Language Instruction
To Language Lesson,
Even when you’re merely paraphrasing someone, there are some terms you can’t use.
You cannot use this word in the workplace in general, and if you are white, you cannot use it without hesitation or question.
When someone makes a racist statement, you should respond right away, bluntly, and without passing judgment by saying, “Oh hey, before you continue.” Even if you are quoting someone, you are not allowed to use such word. Simply put, saying it at all is unacceptable.
If they protest (I’m not sure, they might say, But Yoko Ono said it! or “You children are too progressive!” You can respond, “Hey, this isn’t a new regulation.” It’s just one of those things you can never say in the workplace. You can probably come up with a few more.
That should at least make her stop and think about other things she would never say in the workplace (I can think of a couple).
Another choice is to report HR straight away because this has already happened and you might not want to wait for it to happen again. I’m not sure what they’ll do—perhaps some instruction or a reprimand—but you have an option.
As an alternative, you might approach HR more broadly and inform them that this is a recurring issue in the workplace rather than complaining about a particular coworker. A training is necessary, and an email may be sent.
Reminding her of what she said and telling her she can’t do it again are other options. Be mindful that telling someone they made a mistake long after the event can make them more defensive: “Oh, you’ve been clinging to this for weeks and you’re upset with me?” I’m angry with you now!
However, it is an option.
However, in practically every emotionally charged interpersonal situation—whether it involves racist or out-of-date language, incorrect pronoun usage, remarks about your body, or someone outright hurting your feelings—I believe the best course of action is to inform the other person as soon as possible, while the situation is still occurring, and give them an opportunity to consider the impact of their words.
Undoubtedly, it might be uncomfortable, but change is never easy, and defending others can be frightening, but it doesn’t lessen its significance.
Check out this template from Stop Race-Based Hate for additional inspiration.
You are aware of what must be done. Do it the next time.
I wish you luck!
Lizzy
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